2015年11月11日

off topic

Writing や Speaking のテストで「びっくりするほど評価が低かった」というのは、おそらく off topic だったのでしょう。私の考えでは、日本語には topic や state にあたる言葉はありません。多くの日本人は英語話者よりも、topic をずっと広い意味でとらえています。ですから、無意識のうちに off topic になってしまいがちなのです。

私も小学校入学から大学卒業まで、日本語ですら Writing をきちんと習ったことはありません。卒業後に『理科系の作文技術』などを読んで、考えはじめました。しだいに日本人の書いた本ではものたりなくなってきて、はじめて ESL 用あるいはネイティブの小学生用のテキストで Writing を勉強したときには驚きました。目からうろこが落ちるとは、まさにこのことか……と。
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2015年10月23日

Describe the city you live in

以前に受講していたオンライン英文添削より。答案中の赤字は、先生が追加したところです。
Topic: Describe the city you live in.

My answer:
... Second, Okayama is famous for its ruins and legends. There are a lot of mounds where ancient kings were buried. The most famous old story in Japan is the legend of a boy called Momotaro. Momo means peaches in Japanese. Momotaro became friends with a dog, a monkey, and a pheasant. Momotaro and his friends fought with a group of criminals to save the people of his town. Momotaro might have been one of the ancient kings who were buried in the mounds. ...

COMMENT:
The paragraph gives one a glimpse of the interesting world of Japanese folklore. However, coming from a different country and culture, I was not able to understand the meaning of “Momotaro” when it was first mentioned. It is a helpful strategy to give a brief definition of culture-specific terms. See how adding the phrase “a boy called” aids understanding. Furthermore, the point about historical ruins and mounds can be exploited to include descriptions. You could have written how “seeing the ruins transport you to a different era” and “tourists are amazed to witness the grandeur of the age”

日本人には “Momotaro” が人名だということは当たり前なんですが、外国人には当たり前ではないのでした。外国人とコミュニケーションをとるときに日本事象や日本語の単語、固有名詞が出てきたら、わかりやすく説明する必要があるということです。
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2015年09月25日

Get out of your comfort zone

My teacher said to me, "Some teachers might say this essay is excellent, but you need to get out of your comfort zone. From now on, I'll ban using basic expressions such as first, second, and moreover."

After the feedback:
In my view, music is essential to our lives. Almost all cultures have their own music and musical instruments. The music industry makes billions of dollars worldwide every year; music is fun, and at the same time it has a positive effect on our lives.

First of all, music is a universal language. It is deeply connected with our emotions. Playing or listening to music can change our mood dramatically. When I am depressed, light and cheerful songs make me feel much better. Usually great movies come with great music. “Stand by me” has been unforgettable for us because of its theme song.

Its benefits, however, are not limited to emotionally. Music also enhances learning. It is scientifically proven that music encourages academic skills. Playing music uses many brain functions simultaneously. W. A. Mozart was not only a musical genius, but also a mathematical genius. Listening to baroque music improves the concentration and memory. As a result, students get higher grades.

Music also plays an important role in culture and society. It gives us a sense of unity. Singing together reminds us that we are not alone. “Koshien” high school baseball tournament is the biggest sport event in Japan. Before and after the game, spectators and players sing the school song together. They feel proud of their home team. Similarly at the Olympic Games, the national anthem is the highest reward in the competition.

In summary, music is extremely important for our lives. It effects our emotions, enhances brain function, and gives us a sense of unity. Without music I would die from loneliness. I cannot imagine a world without it.

Hello Teacher​ 英語教室
※岡山駅西口の近くです。
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2015年09月24日

Before and After

I wrote an essay about music. My teacher gave me some feedback.

Question:
Is music important for OUR lives? Why/why not? Could you live in a world without music?

The original essay (before the feedback):
In my view, music is essential to our lives. Almost all cultures have had their own music and musical instruments. The music industry makes billions of dollars worldwide every year. This is because music is fun, at the same time it has positive effects on our lives.

First of all, music is a universal language. It is deeply connected with emotions. Playing or listening to music can change our mood dramatically. When I am depressed, light and cheerful songs make me feel much better. Usually great movies come with great music. “Stand by me” has been unforgettable for us because of its theme song.

Second, music enhances learning. It is scientifically proven that music encourages academic skills. Playing music uses many brain functions simultaneously. W. A. Mozart was not only a musical genius, but also a mathematical genius. Listening to baroque music improves the concentration and memory. As a result, students get higher grades.

Moreover, music gives us the sense of unity. Singing together reminds us that we are not alone. “Koshien” high school baseball tournament is the biggest sport event in Japan. Before and after the game, spectators and players sing the school song together. They feel proud of their home team. Similarly at the Olympic Games, the national anthem is the highest award of the competition.

In summary, music is extremely important for our lives. It effects our emotions, enhances brain function, and gives us the sense of unity. Without music, I would die from loneliness. I cannot imagine a world without it.

(To be continued in the next entry.)
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2015年06月13日

a spelling error

英文添削の文章はいつも MS Word で書いているので、基本的にスペルミスはありません。しかし、本日かえってきた英文に思わぬミスが……(前後は省略)。

In the 13th century, Genghis Khan and his descendants had concurred Russia, Eastern Europe, China, and Persia.

※ "concurred" means "agreed with", and you meant "conquered" - in addition to the spelling difference, in "concurred" emphasis is on the second syllable, and in "conquered", emphasis is on the first syllable.

というわけでした。今後は気をつけます。
posted by a cat at 18:38| Comment(0) | Writing | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする