2017年01月18日

Fruitful English の添削例03

英検2級や準1級でも Writing が重視されてきましたので、私もちょっと力を入れようかなと思います。長さは英検2級だと 80-100 words、準1級だと 120-150 words みたいですね。
……というわけで、Fruitful English の添削例(その3)です。日記添削<週2回・600文字以内・週額固定972円(税込)>コースですが、毎週1回1200文字以内(およそ 200 words とちょっと)・ネイティブ添削・解説なしで提出しています。

You(= a cat) wrote :
I tried to answer the question;
Today, some kindergartens have started teaching English to their children. Do you think it is a good idea to teach English to children in kindergartens?
(設問は『英検2級予想問題ドリル 新試験対応版』からです)
 
あなた(= a cat)の作文
(A)Some Japanese people argue that they do not have to learn any foreign languages. (B)That is because Japan is an island country and its society is virtually homogeneous. However, English has become (C)"lingua franca," or universal language. (D)I believe it is a good idea to teach English to children in kindergartens.

(E)To begin with, it takes a long time for native Japanese speakers to learn English. (F)Japanese and English are so different that they have almost nothing in common. (G)Although adult learners struggle particularly with listening and speaking, young children seem to acquire the language way more easily. (H)Therefore, students should start learning as early as possible while their brains are flexible.

(I)Furthermore, other Asian countries are making remarkable progress in teaching English. (J)For instance, several decades ago, Korean and Chinese students had low proficiency in English. (K)They were at the same level as Japanese counterparts. (L)However, Korean and Chinese governments have reformed their system so that English classes start earlier. Now they are improving.

In summary, I agree with the idea that Japanese preschoolers should start learning English as a universal language.

添削結果
(A)There are Japanese people who contend that foreign language acquisition is of no value to them. (B)They think this way because Japan is an insular nation with little cultural or ethnic diversity. However, English has become (C)a "lingua franca," or universal language. (D)In my view, it is high time for us to see to the English education of our pre-schoolers.

(E)Let us start by acknowledging the fact that the road to English fluency is a long and arduous one for native Japanese speakers. (F)Japanese and English are not even remotely similar. (G)The listening and speaking hurdles for adult learners are peculiarly high, but young children appear to have much greater facility for foreign language acquisition. (H)This early mental flexibility supports the proposition that English language education should begin when children are still quite young.

(I)I would also like to point out that other Asian countries are making great strides with their English education programs. (J)Until not long ago, English proficiency in Korea and China might have been considered internationally substandard. (K)Their English skills were indiscernible from those of their Japanese counterparts. (L)However, the Korean and Chinese governments revamped their curricula to have English classes beginning earlier. Now they are improving.

In summary, I agree with the idea that Japanese preschoolers should start learning English as a universal language.

評価
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。

From W***,
*この先生はおひさしぶりですね。いろいろな先生に当たった方が、私はうれしいです。

I wish I could give you some constructive criticism, Mr. I am a cat, but this essay is nigh perfect. I would like to treat lingua franca as a countable noun at (C) and give it an article. I think we should also consider this expression as fully integrated into English. This means we do not need to mark the expression with inverted commas or any other special indication.
*nigh = almost

In your (K), I might have used 'their Japanese counterparts,' but that just reflects a stylistic bias on my part. Your omission of 'their' is absolutely unimportant.

In your (L), I might have made 'system' plural, but I must admit that many native speakers forgo consistency in number in such cases.
'Way more easily' in your (G) could be seen as a little too colloquial for the otherwise semi-formal tone of your essay, but I can't really make any hay with this observation.
*強調の way は、前回の "This American Life" に出てきたのでつい使ってみたんですが......ちょっと失敗?
*make hay = to use an opportunity to get the most benefit ???


The indices, then, other than (C), mark paraphrasing. Oh, yes. I almost forgot. I would have given 'Korean and Chinese governments' a definite article in your (L). You are referring very specifically to those governments.
*indices = a plural of index

I wish I could say more, but you have really said everything already. Excellent work.
posted by a cat at 06:00| Comment(0) | Writing | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

2017年01月17日

Fruitful English の添削例02

少なくともひとりは読んでくださった方がおられたので、Fruitful English の添削例(その2)です。日記添削<週2回・600文字以内・週額固定972円(税込)>コースですが、毎週1回1200文字以内(およそ 200 words とちょっと)・ネイティブ添削・解説なしで提出しています。

You(= a cat) wrote :
I tried to answer the question;
In many Japanese universities, students have to take gym classes. Do you think gym classes are important for university students?
(設問は『英検2級予想問題ドリル 新試験対応版』からです)
 
あなた(= a cat)の作文
In many Japanese universities, students have to take gym classes. It seems that no one has (A)doubt about (B)it. In my opinion, however, not all university students need to take physical education courses(C_). There are two reasons.(_C)

First of all, the purpose of higher education is not to train your body, but to improve your (D)mind power. It might be true that college sports, such as baseball, rugby and "ekiden," or long-distance relay (E)race are so popular in Japan. (F)But (G)it does not mean that all students go to college to become athletes. If you want to exercise for your health, you can do it in your free time.

(H)What is more, some people argues that the education system should put more focus on practical subjects. As the world is (I)globalized, the need for English is growing. Compared to other countries, Japanese students have much lower skills in English. To maintain competitiveness in the world, Japanese universities should (J)put more importance on English rather than physical education.

In summary, Japanese college students (K)do not have to take gym classes as compulsory subjects. Instead, they should learn practical subjects such as English (L)to be highly competitive players in the global market.

添削結果
In many Japanese universities, students have to take gym classes. It seems that no one has (A)any doubt about (B)this. In my opinion, however, not all university students need to take physical education courses(C_), for two main reasons. (_C)

First of all, the purpose of higher education is not to train your body, but to improve your (D)mental power. It might be true that college sports, such as baseball, rugby and "ekiden," or long-distance relay (E)races are so popular in Japan. (F)However, (G)this does not mean that all students go to college to become athletes. If you want to exercise for your health, you can do it in your free time.

(H)What's more, some people argues that the education system should put more focus on practical subjects. As the world is (I)now globalized, the need for English is growing. Compared to other countries, Japanese students have much lower skills in English. To maintain competitiveness in the world, Japanese universities should (J)place more importance on English rather than physical education.

In summary, Japanese college students (K)should not have to take gym classes as compulsory subjects. Instead, they should learn practical subjects such as English (L)in order to become highly competitive players in the global market.

評価
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。

From T*****,
Hello there!
*これまでの添削のうち、およそ半分がこの先生という印象です。

You've done a really good job on your assignment today - it's a great essay, brilliantly argued.

Excellent work on your natural phrasing, structure and grammar. I've worked to correct your errors and your sentences sound very natural. You will learn a lot from observing the corrections, so please enjoy learning from the revised sentences.

Let's just note that it's ideal to end your introduction with a longer sentence, as I created above; and rather than "mind" power, we usually use an adjective and refer to mental power; and let's not use "but", the conjunction, at the beginning of the sentence; "however" is a perfect replacement, and we use "but" as a conjunction after a comma.

I hope this helps you! As always, it's a nice idea to review the corrected text by reading it out loud, and a few times, to help you become familiar in a written and spoken way, the sentences above!
posted by a cat at 22:00| Comment(0) | Writing | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

2016年12月29日

Fruitful English の添削例01

毎月すくなくとも一回は更新するということで。
いま話題の本でも紹介されていた Fruitful English の添削例をご紹介いたします。日記添削<週2回・600文字以内・週額固定972円(税込)>コースですが、毎週1回1200文字以内(およそ 200 words とちょっと)・ネイティブ添削・解説なしで提出しています。

あなた(= a cat)の作文
Yesterday, I met a Romanian for the first time in my life. He was a substitute teacher (A)of my English class. I searched for information (B) in advance(C_) because I am not familiar with Romania.(_C)

(D)Most famous Romanian in Japan is Nadia Comaneci. She was the first gymnast (E)who scored perfect 10's. In 1976, when I was an elementary school boy, I watched (F_)gymnastics at the Olympic Games on TV(_F). Gymnastics (G)are one of the national sports in Japan. I rooted for our representatives. However, her performance was so outstanding that my eyes were glued on her. She was called (H)a fairy from Romania.

The second most famous Romanian might be Vlad the Impaler. Although you might not (I)hear of him, you must know the story of Count Dracula. The vampire count Dracula is a fictional character based on Vlad the Impaler. When I was a small child, I watched the legend of the vampire Dracula on TV. At that time, I was so naive that I became afraid of vampires. I kept garlic in my room because I believed it was the best way to keep them away(J).

The substitute teacher said his hometown is known for its beautiful nature(K) and it is near (L)the Dracula's castle. I want to visit the castle someday. I am not so naïve anymore!

添削結果
Yesterday, I met a Romanian for the first time in my life. He was a substitute teacher (A)in my English class. I searched for information (B)about Romania in advance(C_), because I am not familiar with the country.(_C)

(D) The most famous Romanian in Japan is Nadia Comaneci. She was the first gymnast (E)to score perfect 10's. In 1976, when I was an elementary school boy, I watched (F_)Olympics gymnastics on TV(_F). Gymnastics (G)is one of the national sports in Japan. I rooted for our representatives. However, her performance was so outstanding that my eyes were glued on her. She was called (H)the fairy from Romania.

The second most famous Romanian might be Vlad the Impaler. Although you might not (I)have heard of him, you must know the story of Count Dracula. The vampire count Dracula is a fictional character based on Vlad the Impaler. When I was a small child, I watched the legend of the vampire Dracula on TV. At that time, I was so naive that I became afraid of vampires. I kept garlic in my room because I believed it was the best way to keep them away(J)!

The substitute teacher said his hometown is known for its beautiful nature(K), and it is near (L) Dracula's castle. I want to visit the castle someday. I am not so naïve anymore!

評価
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。
*ちょっとおおげさですね。

You(= a cat) wrote :
Romania may be the most beautiful country in Europe.
 
From T*****,
Hello there!
*この先生、いつも提出から半日以内に返却という印象です。

Thank you for a fascinating diary introducing Romania, which I also know very little about! – thank you so much for writing it and for sharing it! Now, let's go over a few things as they have been revised above, though this is excellently written.

First, we do things, including having teachers, "in" our classes.

Also, don't forget your countable nouns, like "the" most famous Romanian (person); and it would be most natural to refer to Olympics gymnastics, to write most efficiently.
*Oops! I made a mistake.

Now, note that gymnastics is actually conjugated for the singular, because we mean "the gymnastics event" at the Olympics.
*conjugate 活用[変化]させる

Finally, Dracula is a proper noun, like your own name, so it doesn't require an article to qualify it!
*proper noun = 固有名詞

I hope this helps you - great work!

I hope this helps! You should be proud of yourself for making great efforts. One tip is to read the corrected version over a few times, especially out loud and to yourself, and this will help you reach new levels of familiarity with the natural flow of English!
posted by a cat at 21:00| Comment(2) | Writing | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

2016年05月15日

英作文コンペ(5月)参加表明

恒例となりました Writing 練習。他の方にみていただいて率直な意見をもらうっていうのが、(少々ツライけど)いい練習になると思います。どうしても書いた本人には思いこみがあり、読者にはまったく違った受け取り方をされてしまうことが、よ〜くわかりました。
……というわけで、前月の反省をいかして「英検1級英作文コンペ(5月)」に、今月も参加いたします。
●Write an essay on the given TOPIC.
●Give THREE reasons to support your answer.
●Structure: Introduction, main body, and conclusion
●Suggested length: 200–240 words
●TOPIC:
Agree or disagree:
Space exploration should be continued
※参加者はブログに解答をのせて、参加者どうしで自由にコメントしあうという形式です。
※しめきりは、5/22(日)23:59。詳しいルールは、主催者の gogakutan さんのページをごらんください。
※ごじぶんでブログをおもちでない方は、この記事のコメント欄に「英語で解答」「日本語で感想」を投稿してください。→ 私がブログ本文に転載します。
※こんご作文がより重視される英検1級をねらっている方には、ぜひご参加をオススメしておきます!
posted by a cat at 10:00| Comment(0) | Writing | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

2016年04月30日

英検1級英作文コンペ(4月)再掲

「英検1級英作文コンペ(4月)」の、私の解答です。
●Write an essay on the given TOPIC.
●Give THREE reasons to support your answer.
●Structure: Introduction, main body, and conclusion
●Suggested length: 200–240 words
●TOPIC:
Can the global demand for water be met in the future?
The Earth is a finite place. At the same time, every one of us has the right to pursuit of happiness. The more people live on the planet, the harder they must compete for its resources. On this condition, it is highly likely that we would face water shortage in the near future.

The global demand for water is increasing steadily because of population growth. Africa’s population is still expanding faster than expected. The UN estimates that world population would be 11.2 billion by 2100. That is almost twice as many as the number of people at the end of the 20th century.

In contrast, water supply cannot keep pace with demand. Although some people think water is one of the renewable resources, in reality, that is not the case. Only several percent of all the water on Earth is fresh water. Moreover, groundwater does not recycle so fast. In other words, it is not sustainable. To make matters worse, the pollution of rivers is deteriorating.

Economic growth makes the problem harder to solve. More and more people escape from poverty, thanks to economic progress in newly industrialized countries. However, industrialization would lead to larger consumption of water for not only industry but also agriculture. The higher people’s standard of living is, the more meat they consume. Unfortunately, it needs much more energy and water to produce beef than any other food sources.

In conclusion, saving water and economic growth are not compatible. Therefore, I believe it is mission impossible to meet the global demand for water in the future.
(260 words, 50 minutes)

※前回より短くしましたが、240 words 以内におさめるのは、きわめて難しいですね。
※賛成・反対で2つ書く予定が……、結局1つしかできていません。
※相変わらず、時間がかかりすぎです。
※英検発表の満点解答例と比べると、ハイレベルな単語がほとんど使われていません……。
※関係代名詞、分詞構文を1か所も使っていない=Sentence variety がない!
※他の方の答案:gorakutan さんEna さん雪さんDr. English さん

(追記)
これまでのメンバーに加えて ↑ なんと、あの Dr. English さんご登場です!
答案を拝見しましたけど、ぜんぜん私とレベルがちがいますわ。めっちゃ勉強になります。

(writing を単にだれかに添削してもらう人はいるでしょうが)おなじ問題について他の方々の答案と自分のものを真剣に比べたり、意見を交換したりするって、そんな機会は他にないですからね。そして、(正式なご案内はまだですが)5月の課題はおそらく……
Agree or disagree: Space exploration should be continued
英検1級、あるいは writing 力アップをねらう方は、ぜひぜひチャレンジを!
posted by a cat at 20:00| Comment(12) | Writing | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする