2017年02月24日

ひさびさの Lv5 Perfect!

今回はエッセイではなく、架空の相談とそれに対するアドバイザーの回答です。
Fruitful English の日記添削で、ひさびさの Lv5 Perfect!
You(= a cat) wrote :
I asked an imaginary question with the answer.

あなた(= a cat)の作文
Dear Advisor:
I teach math and science to high school students. Some of them do not have any motivation to study. I am trying to do my best, but they have no improvement at all. Their parents get mad at me because they have paid a lot of money. As the proverb goes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink." What do you think I should do?

Thank you,
I am a cat.


Dear I am a cat. :
A fool learns from experience, but a wise man learns from history. From a historical viewpoint, I think you have three options. There were three famous warlords in wartime Japan. Their names were Nobunaga, Hideyoshi, and Ieyasu. Their characters and strategies were totally different respectively.

The first option is the strategy of Nobunaga. You should say to your students, "If you don't study hard, I'll kill you!" The second option is the strategy of Hideyoshi. You should say, "If you don't study hard, I'll encourage you with all my heart." The last option is the strategy of Ieyasu. You should say, "If you don't study hard, I'll wait forever until you understand what I'm trying to do." You can choose one of the options, according to your preference. I wish you luck!

Sincerely,
The Advisor

添削結果
Dear Advisor:
I teach math and science to high school students. Some of them do not have any motivation to study. I am trying to do my best, but they (A_)aren't improving (_A) at all. Their parents get mad at me(B), because they have paid a lot of money(C) for the lessons. As the proverb goes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink." What do you think I should do?

Thank you,
I am a cat.


Dear I am a cat(D):
A fool learns from experience, but a wise man learns from history. From a historical (E)point of view, I think you have three options. There were three famous warlords in wartime Japan. Their names were Nobunaga, Hideyoshi(F) and Ieyasu. Their characters and strategies were totally different(G), respectively.

The first option is (H)Nobunaga's strategy. You should say to your students, "If you don't study hard, I'll kill you(I) or punish you severely!" The second option is (J)Hideyoshi's strategy. You should say, "If you don't study hard(K)enough, I'll encourage you with all my heart." The last option is (L)Ieyasu's strategy. You should say, "If you don't study hard, I'll wait forever until you understand what I'm trying to (M)teach you." You can choose one of the options, according to your preference. I wish you luck!

Sincerely,
The Advisor

評価
Lv5 PERFECT!
*......とはいえ、ネイティブレベルというわけでは、ぜんぜんありません。

From T*****,
*なんと1時間以内で返却。新記録か!

Hello Mr. I am a cat,

Congratulations!! You wrote so well, and this was such a creative idea, with a great historical and moral lesson embedded in it. Your English is fantastic here!

In all cases, I just offered you alternative phrasing or slight refinements, like the addition of commas. It's a nice idea to say "aren't improving at all", and to use possessive form to introduce the strategies, but these are just suggestions.

*Way to go - this is sheer perfection!
*way to go = used for telling someone that they have done something well
posted by a cat at 21:30| Comment(2) | Writing | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする
この記事へのコメント
これは読んでて楽しいです。

添削者もノリノリで添削したんじゃないでしょうか。(だから早かった!?)
Posted by NOBU at 2017年02月24日 22:09
コメント、ありがとうございます!
ひとりでも読者がいるのかどうか、いつも不安なので……。

「殺してしまえ」はひどすぎると思ったんですが、
やはり添削が入りましたね。
また、よろしくお願いいたします!
Posted by a cat at 2017年02月25日 08:42
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