2017年01月26日

Fruitful English の添削例04

読者いるのか知らんけど...
次回の英検までにまとめることができるように、Writing についてすこしずつネタを増やしていきます。そのためには地道に添削を...というわけで、Fruitful English の添削例(その4)です。日記添削<週2回・600文字以内・週額固定972円(税込)>コースですが、毎週1回1200文字以内・ネイティブ添削・解説なしで提出しています。
解説つきだと半分の600文字以内になってしまうので、解説してもらったことはありません。ですので、解説がどんなものかはわかりません。

You(= a cat) wrote :
I tried to answer the question; How to learn English more effectively?

あなた(= a cat)の作文
The need for English is growing. I believe there must be several ways to learn English more effectively. (A)It requires four skills, namely listening, speaking, reading(B), and writing. (C)They are divided into two categories: input and output.

First of all, (D)Comprehensible input through listening and reading is the key to success. For example, you can listen to podcasts for ESL students. "Voice of America learning English" is one of the most popular programs for beginners. Also, you can read (E)graded readers, which are written with a limited vocabulary. I have enjoyed reading abridged (F)version of classics(G).

Although input is essential to language acquisition, it is not enough to succeed. Output(H) such as speaking and writing(I) is important as well. You should use English as much as possible because (J)a language is a means of communication. For instance, you can exchange messages on (K)SNSs such as Twitter. What is more, you can talk to anyone on Skype, anywhere in the world, for free. Luckily, I have language exchange partners.

To conclude, traditional methods based on grammar (L)has become obsolete. Instead, you should focus on both input and output(M) taking advantage of modern technology.

添削結果
The need for English is growing. I believe there must be several ways to learn English more effectively. (A)We require four skills, namely listening, speaking, reading(B) and writing. (C)These are divided into two categories: input and output.

First of all, (D)comprehensible input through listening and reading is the key to success. For example, you can listen to podcasts for ESL students. "Voice of America learning English" is one of the most popular programs for beginners. Also, you can read (E)so-called graded readers, which are written with a limited vocabulary. I have enjoyed reading abridged (F)versions of classics(G) this way.

Although input is essential to language acquisition, it is not enough to succeed. Output(H), such as speaking and writing(I), is important as well. You should use English as much as possible because (J)a language is a means of communication. For instance, you can exchange messages on (K)SNS, such as Twitter. What is more, you can talk to anyone on Skype, anywhere in the world, for free. Luckily, I have language exchange partners.

To conclude, traditional methods based on grammar (L)have become obsolete. Instead, you should focus on both input and output(M), taking advantage of modern technology.

評価
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。
*今回は単純なミスが多かった。ハンセイ......

From T*****,
Hello!

This is an excellent and very sophisticated essay about the best ways to learn language these days. Fabulous work - your mastery of English is remarkable!

You will see that we did add a few commas here, so let's review these:

In English, as you know, there are several instances that require commas in a sentence. We need a comma after time markers that appear at the beginning of a sentence, like “This year, Today, Yesterday, This morning, Last night, Finally, Usually”, and so on. We also use commas after regular markers like “actually, however, therefore,” and so on. We also use them, as you know, to mark the natural pause in a sentence, say, before moving on to a next sequence of action, or offering a purpose or a reason for something. And let’s not forget that we need to put commas on both ends of descriptive clauses, such as those beginning with “which is” and “who is.”

Also, when we say that "language" is a tool for communication, or something like this we are not using language is a countable sense, so we need to remove the article.

Finally, you'll see at the beginning that I wrote "we require ..." - we is the ideal subject here since it is people who need skills, and not any objects.

I hope this helps you - excellent work!
posted by a cat at 06:00| Comment(0) | Writing | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする
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