2017年01月18日

Fruitful English の添削例03

英検2級や準1級でも Writing が重視されてきましたので、私もちょっと力を入れようかなと思います。長さは英検2級だと 80-100 words、準1級だと 120-150 words みたいですね。
……というわけで、Fruitful English の添削例(その3)です。日記添削<週2回・600文字以内・週額固定972円(税込)>コースですが、毎週1回1200文字以内(およそ 200 words とちょっと)・ネイティブ添削・解説なしで提出しています。

You(= a cat) wrote :
I tried to answer the question;
Today, some kindergartens have started teaching English to their children. Do you think it is a good idea to teach English to children in kindergartens?
(設問は『英検2級予想問題ドリル 新試験対応版』からです)
 
あなた(= a cat)の作文
(A)Some Japanese people argue that they do not have to learn any foreign languages. (B)That is because Japan is an island country and its society is virtually homogeneous. However, English has become (C)"lingua franca," or universal language. (D)I believe it is a good idea to teach English to children in kindergartens.

(E)To begin with, it takes a long time for native Japanese speakers to learn English. (F)Japanese and English are so different that they have almost nothing in common. (G)Although adult learners struggle particularly with listening and speaking, young children seem to acquire the language way more easily. (H)Therefore, students should start learning as early as possible while their brains are flexible.

(I)Furthermore, other Asian countries are making remarkable progress in teaching English. (J)For instance, several decades ago, Korean and Chinese students had low proficiency in English. (K)They were at the same level as Japanese counterparts. (L)However, Korean and Chinese governments have reformed their system so that English classes start earlier. Now they are improving.

In summary, I agree with the idea that Japanese preschoolers should start learning English as a universal language.

添削結果
(A)There are Japanese people who contend that foreign language acquisition is of no value to them. (B)They think this way because Japan is an insular nation with little cultural or ethnic diversity. However, English has become (C)a "lingua franca," or universal language. (D)In my view, it is high time for us to see to the English education of our pre-schoolers.

(E)Let us start by acknowledging the fact that the road to English fluency is a long and arduous one for native Japanese speakers. (F)Japanese and English are not even remotely similar. (G)The listening and speaking hurdles for adult learners are peculiarly high, but young children appear to have much greater facility for foreign language acquisition. (H)This early mental flexibility supports the proposition that English language education should begin when children are still quite young.

(I)I would also like to point out that other Asian countries are making great strides with their English education programs. (J)Until not long ago, English proficiency in Korea and China might have been considered internationally substandard. (K)Their English skills were indiscernible from those of their Japanese counterparts. (L)However, the Korean and Chinese governments revamped their curricula to have English classes beginning earlier. Now they are improving.

In summary, I agree with the idea that Japanese preschoolers should start learning English as a universal language.

評価
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。

From W***,
*この先生はおひさしぶりですね。いろいろな先生に当たった方が、私はうれしいです。

I wish I could give you some constructive criticism, Mr. I am a cat, but this essay is nigh perfect. I would like to treat lingua franca as a countable noun at (C) and give it an article. I think we should also consider this expression as fully integrated into English. This means we do not need to mark the expression with inverted commas or any other special indication.
*nigh = almost

In your (K), I might have used 'their Japanese counterparts,' but that just reflects a stylistic bias on my part. Your omission of 'their' is absolutely unimportant.

In your (L), I might have made 'system' plural, but I must admit that many native speakers forgo consistency in number in such cases.
'Way more easily' in your (G) could be seen as a little too colloquial for the otherwise semi-formal tone of your essay, but I can't really make any hay with this observation.
*強調の way は、前回の "This American Life" に出てきたのでつい使ってみたんですが......ちょっと失敗?
*make hay = to use an opportunity to get the most benefit ???


The indices, then, other than (C), mark paraphrasing. Oh, yes. I almost forgot. I would have given 'Korean and Chinese governments' a definite article in your (L). You are referring very specifically to those governments.
*indices = a plural of index

I wish I could say more, but you have really said everything already. Excellent work.
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