2017年05月03日

Fruitful for Eiken pre1 No.4

あとひと月。なんとしてでもサバイバルを......というわけで、Fruitful English の添削です。学習会の仲間といっしょに検討するために、『7日間完成 英検準1級予想問題ドリル』が題材、模範解答は参考にしていません。

You(= a cat) wrote :
I tried to answer the question;
Do you think traveling abroad helps a person grow? (4th day)

あなた(= a cat)の作文
Even though Japan is an island country, more and more people (A) travel abroad. Travel lovers claim that overseas trips help a person grow. In my opinion, however, that is not often the case, especially when travelers do not learn (B)a language spoken in the area.

To begin with, people can broaden their horizons through intercultural experiences. Most Japanese people do not know much about other cultures(C) because Japan is a homogeneous society. If they (D)learn English or (E)other local language, they can (F_)communicate with local people directly.(_F) Unfortunately, most of them (G)enjoy only sightseeing and buying souvenirs.

Furthermore, interaction with local people benefits you in (H)another way. You can fully understand (I)advantages and disadvantages of your own culture, only when you compare it with other cultures. You will find out (J)yourself after diving into foreign cultures. In other words, you travel not only overseas but also within (K)you. Learning languages is (L)the sole access to such experiences.

In conclusion, if you do not (M)interchange with locals, traveling abroad does not help (N) personal growth so much. I strongly believe that you should learn English or a local language before visiting (O)the country.

添削結果
Even though Japan is an island country, more and more people (A) here travel abroad. Travel lovers claim that overseas trips help a person grow. In my opinion, however, that is not often the case, especially when travelers do not learn (B)the language spoken in the area.

To begin with, people can broaden their horizons through intercultural experiences. Most Japanese people do not know much about other cultures(C), because Japan is a homogeneous society. If they (D)succeed in learning English or (E)another local language, they can (F_)directly communicate with local people.(_F) Unfortunately, most of them (G)only enjoy sightseeing and buying souvenirs.

Furthermore, interaction with local people benefits you in (H)other ways. You can fully understand (I)the advantages and disadvantages of your own culture, only when you compare it with other cultures. You will find out (J)about yourself after diving into foreign cultures. In other words, you travel not only overseas but also within (K)yourself. Learning languages is (L)your sole access to such experiences.

In conclusion, if you do not (M)have interchanges with locals, traveling abroad does not help (N) your personal growth so much. I strongly believe that you should learn English or a local language before visiting (O)another country.

評価
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。

From T*****,
Hello there,

Your views are just excellent and so broad-minded, and you've written so very well - great job!

At the beginning, it's best to refer to "people here", to specify "Japan"; and we need to refer to "the" particular language in that country, so we want use the article "the" here. On the other hand, at (E), we are referring to "another" (an other) language in general.

Also, we find out "about" ourselves in various ways, so we need this preposition; and we need to write "only enjoy" in this word order.
*副詞の語順!

Finally, rather than use 'interchange' as a direct verb, it's more natural to refer to "having" interchanges, using this word as a noun.
*より自然な表現! これは難しい……。

I hope this helps you - wonderful!
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